Start Your Day Well!

It’s the last day!!  I’m so grateful to you for going on this journey with me.  It’s been tremendously encouraging to grow together. 

Here’s my parting gift to you:  Start your day well.  If you do that, you’ll feel so much better about yourself. You’ll set yourself up to win.

I know how hard this is.  I’ve had the babies who are up in the night, the kids who wake up before dawn to catch the bus, the million things to do before leaving for work, the health problems that drag you down. 

But this is one of those things that really is worth it to make it happen.  You need this for yourself.

I’m going to keep this short, but here are elements that will change the trajectory of your day. At least do the first one, and add the others if you can.

Devotional/prayer time with God.

To-do list.  Write and prioritize what you’d like to accomplish.

Healthy food.

Exercise.  Even a little stretching, or 5 minutes of cardio to get the blood going. 

Positive music.  

How do you make these happen?  Wake up earlier.  Go to bed earlier.  Prepare for the morning before you go to bed.  Don’t leave things for the morning. I’ve fought and made sure to have time with God in the mornings for at least 30 years.  I’ve helped others have victories. You can do it too!!

And, of course, I have a verse.  “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark Jesus got up, left the house, and went to a solitary house, where he prayed.”  (Mark 1:35)  Jesus had just had a very demanding day.  Yet he still got up early to spend time with God, and was strengthened for the coming day.  Let this inspire you.

I want to leave you with a list of what we talked about that will help you to love yourself. 

1. Write a list of what you like/love about yourself.
2. Build a clearer vision of who you are, and how you’re wired.
3. Figure out what’s getting in the way.
4. Identify what you like about yourself as a child.
5. Fight negative self-talk.
6. Store up good things in your heart, like gratitude.
7. Fight the desire for more. 
8. Remember how God loves you.
9. Have realistic expectations.
10. Give yourself permission to be yourself.
11. Work on inner healing.
12. Live your priorities.
13. Learn to be content.
14. Make sure your self-love comes from the right motivations.
15. Practice generosity.
16. Appreciate and meet your needs.
17. Declutter.
18. Identify your fears and fight them.
19. Process your emotions.
20. Build resilience.
21. Find your “sweet spot.”
22. Understand the cross.
23. Change your definition of success.
24. Laugh more
25. Learn to see the possibilities instead of the obstacles.
26. Be gentle with yourself.
27. Let others give you their perspective, and encourage you.
28. Set boundaries to keep the bad out and the good in.  
29. Practice humility.
30. Change the meaning.
31. Start your day well.

Friends, you are awesome!!  I’m sending my love to you all.  Now go and have a great time being yourself, and fulfilling your potential!

And if you have obstacles that you’d like to move past, or growth you’d like to achieve, shoot me an email at broadtreecoaching@gmail.com.  We can have a conversation about what’s going on with you, and how coaching might be a fit for you.  It makes such a difference.

Let’s pray.  “Father, thank you that you’ve given us this journey, that we’ve learned to EMBRACE who we are and what we can do, that we’ve learned to have GRACE on ourselves when we fall short, and that we’ve grown to BELIEVE more in our PLACE that you have for us in this world.  Help us to fight all of the obstacles that get in the way, so we can bloom on the inside, and bloom for you.  In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Change the Meaning

Today we’re going to talk about something that’s a HUGE, HUGE obstacle to loving yourself: Meaning.

Whether we realize it or not, we assign meaning to everything that happens. Here are some meanings that people might assign. If they oversleep: “I’m irresponsible.” If they exercise: “I’m being healthy.” If they have a lot of friends: “I’m cool.” If they have few friends: “Something’s wrong with me.” If they complete a project: “I’m accomplished.” If they don’t get it done: “I’m lazy.” If they get a big paycheck: “I’m successful.” If they work for minimum wage: “I have less worth.” If they’re married with a house and kids: “I’ve arrived.” If they’re single in an apartment: “I need to step up.” And so on.

In a sense, you can see that it’s actually not so much about what’s going on with you, it’s what it means to you that it’s going on. The same is true for your goals and aspirations. It’s not where you’re heading, it’s what it means to you to get there.

And this is super important to realize, because you feel good about yourself for achieving that which you’ve named as positive, and feel bad about yourself for allowing the negative.

The really cool thing is that you have the power to change the meaning, and thus change your self-esteem.

Let’s go ahead and do today’s exercise. Journal the answers to the following:

In what way have you felt bad about yourself lately? What made you feel this way — what did you do, what happened, or what is it about you?

Now fill in the blank, “To me, this (action, event or characteristic) means that ______________?”

And then ask yourself, “Is this meaning true? How could be untrue? What else could be true?”

Finally, ask yourself, “How can I change the meeting, so I feel better about myself?”

Here’s an example of how I could answer this. “I feel bad because my bathroom’s always dirty. This means that I’m a lousy housekeeper. It’s true that I’m not Ms. Spick and Span. But I do stay on top of a lot of clutter and dirt in the house. And I do clean the bathroom. The frequent grime in the bathroom actually means that we’re use the bathroom a lot. It’s normal! I’m a decent housekeeper.”

Now, of course, there’s caveat here. You don’t want to change the meaning to get out of your responsibilities. There are times when you feel bad for a valid reason, and you need to address that. And you don’t want to guild the lily. You don’t want to make yourself sound better than you are.

God wants you to be honest with yourself, instead of deceiving yourself, or distorting the truth. Here is a great proverb: “The LORD detests the use of dishonest scales, but he delights in accurate weights.” (Prov. 11:1) This has to do with weighing grain, but it still shows that God wants us to use “scales” that reflect the truth of what’s going on.

Think of Moses. When God first called him, Moses kept telling God why he couldn’t do it. He finally said, “I have never been eloquent. . . for I am slow of speech and tongue. . . Please, Lord, send someone else.” (Ex. 4:10, 13)

The Bible says the Lord’s anger burned against Moses for this. God knew Moses could speak and carry out the task, that’s why he called him. And in later years, Moses showed himself to be a great communicator. But at this point, Moses evaluated himself as being too deficient for the task.

Let’s learn to evaluate ourselves to reflect the truth. Moses actually had great potential, in spite of his weakness. What about you? Who could you become? What can you do? How can God use you?

When you change the meaning, you change yourself, and you change the world.

Let’s pray. “Father, help me to EMBRACE who I really am. I need your help to see the truth that so often hides. Help me to have GRACE on myself, and not give false weight to my shortcomings. Help me to BELIEVE in my PLACE, that you created me to impact the world in certain ways. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Humility

Here’s something surprising that you’re going to find at the base of good self-esteem: Humility.

At first, it doesn’t make sense.  Humility brings to mind pictures of debasing yourself.  It doesn’t sound like feeling good about yourself. Whereas with pride, you DO think you’re all that!

Here’s my simple definition of pride and humility. Pride is thinking you know better and that everything’s about you. Humility is thinking God knows better, and that everything’s about him. 

Jesus gave us the most compelling illustrations of humility.  He made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant. (Phil 2:8) He prayed, “Not my will, but yours.” (Luke 22:42) He was obedient to God to the point of death.  (Phil 2:8, Heb. 5:8)  All of these things point to his attitude of surrender to God.

Now we can look at where prideful people get messed up.  You see, when you think you know better, you’re only happy when things are going the way you think they should go.  When you think it’s about you, you only feel good when you’re able to do your thing. It’s actually conditional well-being. 

But when you’re humble, you’re surrendered.  You trust God. You revere him. You’re not in a snit, or full of angst.  You’re at peace.  There’s so much more space for well-being.

I’m thinking about this because I was in a funk yesterday.  This was partly because I’d had sinus and stomach problems on and off all week.  I felt tired and sluggish.  And this was hard for me, because in my mind, I’m the energizer bunny.  I’m going to get all kinds of things done.  I’m going to be joyful and encouraging to everyone.  But instead, by Thursday, I felt like the well was dry, and I couldn’t pull anything out of it.

And I wondered, how do you feel good about yourself when you don’t feel good?  You can’t accomplish the things that bring satisfaction.  Your attitude isn’t cooperating.  So you feel worse.

I think a large part of the answer lies in finding humility. Here are some verses to consider:

1. “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”  (Romans 12:3) It’s our theme passage again, reminding us to have realistic expectations of ourselves.  It also reminds us to have faith.  When we trust that God knows better than we do, we can let go of our expectations.  (I’m still praying to be able to let go of my energizer bunny!)

2. “Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind: ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? . . . Can you direct the movement of the stars?’” (Job 38:1-2, 31)  Now this is a great passage for humility!!  It reminds us to be in awe of God and to quit questioning him.  As my friend Misha told us so powerfully in last night’s women’s group, God can do what he wants, because he is God.  It really IS all about God.

3. (The Lord said) “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (Romans 12:9)  This verse has saved my life many a time!!  Sometimes I didn’t know how I was going to get through, but I knew that his grace would be sufficient to get me through that hour, that day.  And the verse reminded me that it’s okay to feel weak.  That’s tapping into the power of humility.

4. “We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure . . . But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.” (I Cor 1:8-9)  Our thinking says that we shouldn’t go through hardships. But God says the hardships will teach us to gain strength from him.  I remember one man who said he wouldn’t trade his terminal brain tumor for anything, because it brought him much closer to God, and he cherished that.

5. “Give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (I Thes. 5:18) Giving thanks is one of the most humbling things.  To do so, you really have to acknowledge that God knows better than you. My friend Deb Shanks has a chronic health condition and I there was this time, several years ago, when she had been in the hospital for weeks, getting surgery after surgery.  She would make these long posts on Facebooks full of thanks and wonder for the little things she saw God doing for her, like allowing her to have a dinner “date” in the cafeteria with her husband.

Can you see how humility is transforming? It clears a wonderful surrendered inner space in which well-being can flourish. 

Ask yourself today’s thought questions, and journal the answers:

“How do I think I know better than God?”

“How do I forget that it’s about God, not me?”

“How can this get in the way of my well-being?”  (Write this on your “What gets in the way” list.)

“How can I work on humility this week?” 

Let’s pray. “Father, help to stop getting in the way. I know you have a deep source of well-being for me, if I’ll just let go and trust you. Help me to have GRACE on myself when I don’t feel good. May I be in awe of you, rely on you, be thankful, and know your grace is sufficient. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Guard Yourself

On Day 28, I’m reflecting. Hasn’t it been great to work on loving ourselves? It feels so positive. Our whole perspective is warmer and brighter.

So we want to protect this growth, and keep it going! Today, I want to talk about how loving yourself means intentionally guarding yourself to keep the good in, and the bad out.

Guarding yourself starts with taking ownership and responsibility for yourself. It is YOUR job to guard yourself. You, and you alone, are responsible for yourself. You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can choose how you react. You make the choices, and you are the one who will stand before God for them.

One reason this is important to talk about is because if you put the blame on someone or something, you’ll open yourself up to resentment and self-pity.  If you don’t do what you know you should do, you’ll open yourself up to regret, or even self-loathing. 

You want to keep these negative attitudes out, as well as everything else that could mess your inner self! God said, “ABOVE ALL ELSE, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Prov. 4:23. Okay, the capital letters are mine.)  God gave you your soul, your “heart.”  You’re beginning to see that it’s beautiful, with unique characteristics. It represents the potential of all you can do and become. 

So, it’s up to you to keep the gunk away!! Address what’s going on with you, don’t just let it sit there like a rotten potato. Give the inner critic the hand, don’t let it speak.  Get rid of the sin and the bad attitudes.  I know, I know.  If it were easy, you would have done it already!  But resolve to work on it.

And then, draw the lines, and be careful about putting yourself in situations where your heart could be compromised.  My daughter recently told me how she’s taking a break from television shows, because they leave her with an unhealthy feeling.  What situations are unhealthy for you?

Is your schedule healthy for you and your family?  Guard your time. Set limits. 

When I was young and first married, my mom let me use her beloved old yellow Volvo for the summer while she was out of town.  My husband and I shared a car, so I was excited to have wheels.  I drove it everywhere.  But I didn’t know how to take care of it, so, I didn’t check the fluids.  While I was driving to the airport to pick her up, it started running hot, and I kept going, and cracked the head.  I killed that poor Volvo. (It took a lot of money to resurrect it!)

Some of us take care of ourselves the way I took care of my mother’s car.  We don’t give ourselves what we need, and we run ourselves into the ground.

Don’t kill yourself trying to do everything, and be everything for everyone.  Learn to tell people and yourself no.  Practice balance.  You’ll feel so much happier.  Your engine will be humming.  You’ll shine in your days and ways.

All of this is called setting boundaries.  I can’t recommend enough that you read the book, “Boundaries, When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life,” by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, if you haven’t done so. It’s helped me so much.

I have one friend who’s reading this book, and after years of not saying anything, she’s finding ways to stand up for herself and communicate what’s unhealthy for her. She feels like things are finally getting better. She’s beginning to love herself! But she had to realize that it’s okay to do so.

Friends, it’s okay.  Be your own best protector.  Take care of the wonderful you that God created.  Don’t let anyone or anything mess you up. Don’t weigh yourself down with someone else’s responsibilities. 

Here are your questions for today:

“Do I tend to feel regret, resentment or self-pity? How am I not taking ownership or responsibility for my choices?

“Where should I draw the lines to guard my heart?” 

“Where should I draw the lines to guard my schedule?”

“How am I uncomfortable with setting boundaries?  Why are they a good thing?”

Let’s pray.  “Father, help me to EMBRACE my worth by intentionally protecting my heart and my schedule.  Help me to set boundaries to not let in what will erode me.  Help me to take care of myself, so I have the energy to be my best self for you. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

 

Encouragement From Others

Admit it. Sometimes, you just need someone to build you up. Your self esteem feels ragged, and you need a shot in the arm.

A friend called me yesterday, because she had started to doubt herself on a matter.  “I need someone to reassure me,” she said.  Later, I had a coaching session, and at the end, I asked my client what was of value to her.  She said it was reassuring to know that her thinking was sound, because she was unsure.

It’s okay to seek reassurance from others!  We can doubt ourselves. We can feel unsure.  There’s a reason that the Bible tells us, “Encourage one another, and build each other up.”  (I Thes. 5:11) And that it also says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” (Eph 4:29)

I remember one time when I told my husband, “I want to hear why you love me.”  So, he thought very carefully and listed on a card some of the things he loves about me.  That meant so much. We’ve been married a long time, but insecurities can still creep in. The thing is, I wouldn’t have gotten this if I didn’t ask.  And because I asked, he started having it more on his radar.  He gives me positive feedback a lot now.

Here’s something that is so true.  Scientific studies have shown that we remember the negative a lot more easily than we remember the positive.  Not only that, but our mind often assumes the negative more easily than it does the positive.  So we start to fill in the silent spaces with a thought like, “Maybe they don’t approve.  Maybe I offended them. Maybe they think I’m goofy.”  And then we take that thought and run with it.

That’s why there are times when it’s good for us to be proactive. Yes, we want to get our self worth from God. Yes, we want to build confidence in who we are.  But I really think that getting the perspective of others is a part of building this confidence.  We just believe it more.

I remember being a teenager and feeling a bit like the ugly duckling.  I was expressing something about this to a male relative and he stopped me, put his hands on my shoulders and looked me square in the eye.  “You are beautiful” he stated emphatically.  It was a pivotal moment.  It made a huge difference to me to hear that the opinion of others was different than what I had in my head.

So don’t be afraid to ask for this from others at times.  You’re seeking to refute the lies and negativity. Maybe one way you could go about it is to be real with how you’re feeling about yourself. They will likely respond by giving you a boost.

And when someone tells you something they like about you, remember it!  We can be too quick to dismiss it, or forget it.  For the picture I’m posting with this devotional, I went back through cards I’ve saved over the years.  I sprinkled in some slips of paper that people put in a jar to encourage me for my birthday.  I haven’t looked at these in so long. They reminded me of my value to others, and that is valuable to me!

Here’s your thought questions for today:

1. What have others told you that they like about you?  If you can’t think of anything, who will you open up to or ask this week? (Ask me in the comments, and I will tell you!)
2. How does it make you feel uncomfortable opening up to others, or asking for reassurance? How could you tell yourself that it’s okay?
3. If someone gives you a compliment, how much do you believe it? How do you downplay it? (If you do.)
4. Knowing what others like about you, what can you add to your “What I like/love about myself” list?

Friends, in closing, let me mention one more thing. As you become more aware of your own need for encouragement, treat others as you would like to be treated. Encourage people this week. They really could really use it. And the world will be a better place.

Let’s pray. “Father, help me to have GRACE on myself, and admit it to my friends when I feel low. Help me to EMBRACE their positive feedback, and be built up as you intend. Help me to BELIEVE in my PLACE, that part of my purpose is to encourage others today. Father, I pray for all of us who are believers. Help us be the unified and effective body you created us to be. The enemy wants us to tear one another down, but you want us to build one another up. May we all fight for that. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Gentleness

Today, I want to talk about something that’s magical to me, in terms of helping me love myself. That’s gentleness.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was very distraught that deeply moved me. She told me how she’d lost control of her temper, and hurt others. She felt terrible about it. Yet she knew she had some legitimate health issues that affect her mental state. She was also going through some pretty significant challenges. So my friend realized that these things contributed to her outburst. But she couldn’t help but see it in terms of absolutes. It was wrong. Period.

I asked my friend if, knowing her situation, she could be gentle with herself. “I never thought of that,” she told me. I heard in her voice that a new place had been touched in her heart. “I’m tearing up,” she admitted.

So many of us don’t think of being gentle with ourselves. We don’t remember that gentleness is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal. 5:23), that Jesus was meek (Matt 11:19), or that God spoke to Elijah in a still small voice. (I Kings 19:12)

Gentleness doesn’t mean that we give ourselves a pass when we’ve done wrong. But it does mean that we treat ourselves with compassion and tenderness.

As I said earlier, gentleness is like a magic word for me. I can be all up in arms, mad at someone, frustrated, self-righteous, on the warpath. Then I remember the word “gentleness” and I feel myself instantly change. It’s like the jagged edges soften. All of a sudden, I know how to handle the situation, when before, I knew something was off with my attitude.

I think the reason gentleness is so powerful is because it counters the voice of accusation. Our inner critic can be so harsh. That can spill over onto how we look at others, and how we treat them.

Have you ever pictured your inner critic? One book that changed my life is “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carlson. Carlson encourages his readers to imagine what their “gremlin” looks like. I decided that mine looks like an old school teacher chasing me around with a ruler, telling me I need to do better. Sometimes it also looks like a grizzled sea captain, shouting, “Batten down the hatches! Make sure everything’s secure!”

But gentleness can silence my gremlin. As Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Let’s be careful that we’re not being ruled by the harsh words inside of us. It’s good to know right and wrong. It’s good to listen to our conscience, and the promptings of the Spirit. It’s good to teach others truths and standards. But the definition of harsh is “cruel and severe.” It goes to an extreme. We want to pray for wisdom, and remember to be righteous, but also to have a side that’s tender and compassionate.

Are you ready to do some deeper thinking on this? Ask yourselves these questions, and journal the answers:

“What does my voice of accusation say? How can it be harsh?”

“What fear might be motivating me to be harsh?”

“How could I be more gentle with myself? With others?”

“Have I felt at times that it’s wrong to be gentle? In what way?”

“How can I stand up for righteousness without being harsh?”

Friends, I love you all. I want to share a song that sounds exactly like gentleness to me. https://youtu.be/8DSeZji2x-Y Maybe you might like to listen to it and think of the verses we’ve read, what you’re learning, and all of us who are going on this journey together.

Let’s pray. “Father, even as I call you that, it reminds me that a good father is gentle. Thank you that you are the Good Father. Help me EMBRACE who I am, stand strong in righteousness, yet also have gentle GRACE on myself. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Seeing the Possibilities

Stuck. Discouraged. No way out. No way forward.

That’s how the soldier felt, as he woke up and dressed for battle. Every morning, he thought of how badly he wanted to win this fight. Every morning, he faced his desperation for the enemy to go away. But as he once again lined up with his fellow warriors against the enemy, there was the obstacle, so big and intimidating that every possibility of victory was shut down.  And the soldier hated himself, because he was ineffective.

It’s the opening scene of David and Goliath. (I Samuel 17)  Sometimes, it’s also our story.  I recently talked with a woman who’s frustrated because she’s been working on something for years, and hasn’t been able to change. She’s really down on herself.  Yet as we discussed it, she realized that one of the reasons she’s stuck is that she has limiting beliefs that keep her from seeing the possibilities for victory. 

Friends, I want to tell you that you have more possibilities for victory than you know!  You can be David, not the weary soldier!  Because you may not be able to change your obstacle, but you can sure change the way you look at it.  And when you do so, you can find ways to move forward.  Instead of being disheartened, you can build confidence in God and in yourself. 

It’s all about learning to think outside the box.  Today, I’m giving you some powerful questions that will start you down that path.  Here’s what you can ask yourself:

“What are my limiting beliefs?”  The Israelites believed Goliath was unbeatable.  They believed they would lose face if they didn’t defeat him in a one-on-one swordfight, so they didn’t look at other options.  What beliefs do you have about your “Goliath?”  What beliefs make you blind to your options?

“What else can I try?” The Israelites didn’t seem to consider that there might be another way to vanquish the Philistines, like attaching the whole army at once, or planning a sneak attack.  But David was like, “Hmmm. I can’t use a sword or spear.  Why not try a sling?”  Brainstorm ways you could tackle your obstacle.  Write down everything, even if it seems far-fetched.  You want to put no limits on your creative juices!  You can even do research, and get advice. 

“What else is true?”  It was true that Goliath was too big to vanquish in hand-to-hand combat.  But David knew it was also true that God was with him, and had helped him previously.  Concerning the woman I talked about earlier, it’s true that she’s stuck in her current situation.  But it’s also true that if she altered some aspects of her life, she could have a victory. She thinks she HAS to do things a certain way.  That’s the limiting belief.  She needs to see that it’s also true that she can attain her goals by going about them in a different way. Or that it’s also true that she doesn’t have to do everything, that she might need to say no to something.  Write down what else could be true about your situation. 

“What if this is the way God is working?” All the Israelites saw was the problem.  David’s vision was bigger.  He saw God being in control. And that allowed him to believe there was a solution.  Ugh.  I can so be like the Israelites.  I’m sure God doesn’t want something to be the way it is.  It’s good for me to ask myself this question, because when I do, I lose the resentment, and start thinking about what I can do to step up and address the situation.  Journal about the difference it would make if you knew that God orchestrated circumstances to be just as they are. 

Friends, don’t lose heart!  We’re far from powerless!  There will be Goliaths, but there will also always be possibilities.  I leave you with the reminder of I Corinthians 10:13 (GNT) “Every test that you have experienced is the kind that normally comes to people. But God keeps his promise, and he will not allow you to be tested beyond your power to remain firm; at the time you are put to the test, he will give you the strength to endure it, and so provide you with a way out.”

Let’s pray.  “Father, help me to be humble and open.  Help me to see the possibilities, and not the obstacles.  May I not believe Satan’s lies, but EMBRACE all I can be and do in you.  Help me to have GRACE on myself when I’m stuck.  It’s a process.  And help me to BELIEVE in my PLACE, that you’re working, even when it seems like evil is winning. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

Laugh More

A couple of days ago I was blow drying my hair, and I saw something I’d never seen before – a bald spot. Ack! Cold dread started to creep over me, as I contemplated a future of hair loss and feeling unattractive. But then I decided to laugh, instead. It was kind of like I was watching a comedy of my life.

Later in the week, I told my friend, Alicia, the story, and she laughed with me about how crazy it is to get older. It’s good to have a friend who helps you remember how to laugh.

I need this, because I’m not very good at laughing. My husband is. He has a strange sense of humor. He’s always chortling at something, and I’m thinking, “That’s not funny.”

I just take everything so seriously. I used to volunteer with hospice, and I had one 90+ year old woman that I visited. She was sweet and frail, with a tuft of white hair, and we would do puzzles together. I asked her one time what advice she would give from the experience of her long life. I expected something really profound, but she said, “Don’t take everything so seriously.” Ouch.

We all need to learn how to lighten up. Laughing helps you feel better about yourself. It helps you not go overboard about your flaws and mistakes. It’s almost like having a party with yourself.

Laughter diffuses tension and anxiety. It’s actually a tool we use in life coaching. A client can feel stuck, but then the coach jokes a bit, and as the client laughs, they relax, and often are able to find a way forward.

It’s easy to think there’s not much in the Bible about good laughter. But Ecclesiastes 3 says there’s a time to laugh. God included in his instructions for the Feast of the Tabernacles, “you shall rejoice before the Lord your God for seven days.” (Lev. 23:40) David danced before the Lord with all his might. (II Sam 6:14) And the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 could “laugh at the days to come.”

I think one reason the virtuous woman could laugh was because she believed God had her back. Verse 31:30 says she “feared” God. She had reverence for him, she looked to him. Her heart was free of worry.

So today, let yourself laugh. As you do, you’re expressing your trust in God. You’re punching the inner critic in the nose. You’re shaking off worry. You’re proclaiming that you like yourself.

Here are a couple of thought-provoking questions for today:

What keeps you from healthy laughter?

How could you laugh more?

Friends, I’m sending love to you all. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could find a time to hang out and share laughter? May it be so one day.

Let’s pray: “Father, help me to trust you enough to let go and laugh. I know you want me to celebrate with you. You created a world that’s full of delight, with puppies and babies and monkeys and penguins, and so much more. I could watch the antics and laugh all day. Satan tries to steal my joy. Many times he succeeds. I want to take the battle against evil seriously, but I also want to be light hearted, resting and finding joy in you. I need your help to do this. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

 

Feel Successful

What is success?  My daughter told me that she had a talk with her kids last night, and asked them what they thought success was.  My granddaughter said that she had success last week, because she did a lot of spelling even though she didn’t want to.  But my 8-year-old grandson had a hard time seeing what success could be for him.  “I think I’ll be successful when I retire,” he said.  My daughter tried to tell him that success can be as simple as doing well at something that’s hard.  “That doesn’t feel big,” he responded.

We can all relate to my grandson.  We can feel like we need to do something big to be successful.  And if we’re not feeling successful, we don’t feel as good about ourselves. 

So, today, I want to give you the gift of feeling successful! 

And to do that, we’re going to look at what makes God’s heart happy.  I don’t want you to focus on all the things you didn’t do, or should be doing. But, just like my daughter did with her children, focus on what you DID do, or what you CAN do.

1. Take a step of faith.  Jesus loved it when the bleeding woman had the faith to touch his garment to be healed.  (Mark 5:34) He was impressed with the faith of the Canaanite woman, who didn’t give up, even though she wasn’t a Jew. (Matt. 5:22-28)  He was amazed at the faith of the Centurion. (Matt. 8:10) He encouraged his disciples to have faith, even as small as a mustard seed.  Hebrews 11 is all about how faith pleases God.  So, do something out of faith, even if it’s a baby step, and know that God is fired up.

2. Love someone.  Love is living out God’s heart. It literally is his love language.  When Paul wrote about love, he said it’s the most excellent way, (I Cor. 12:31) and, “the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Gal. 5:13) You totally can make someone’s day, and God’s day, by loving and serving them. “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” (Heb. 13:16)

3. Pray. God loves to hear from his children.  And it’s so doable!  Pray that Lord’s prayer, as Jesus instructed.  (Matt 6:9-13) There are so many other scriptures, but I’ll share this one: “First of all, then, I urge that petitions, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgiving be offered for everyone— for kings and all those in authority—so that we may lead tranquil and quiet lives in all godliness and dignity.  This is good and pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.” (I Timothy 2:1-4)

4. Come to God with a repentant heart.  The story of the Prodigal Son is so powerful.  That guy messed up all over the place, yet when he came back his father, his father was so excited to see him that he ran to meet him. (Luke 15:11-20) This is how God is when you sincerely pray, “Forgive me of my sins.” (Matt 6:12)

5. Persevere.  God loves it when we put in effort, and don’t give up. Think about how Jesus rewarded the faith of the men who made a hole in the roof so their friend could be healed. (Mark 2:4) Think of what the master said to the servant in the Parable of the Talents, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!” (Matt 25:21) Think of how Jesus said we should always pray, and never give up. (Luke 18:1) Think of how the good soil stands for those who persevere to produce a crop.  (Luke 8:15) Friends, you can do it!  Hang in there!  God is cheering you on.

I could write more, but I want to keep it simple.  I want you to be encouraged that this is something you can do.  I want you to celebrate your victories, as my daughter celebrated my granddaughter’s spelling success. 

Ask yourself the following questions, and journal the answers:

How do I get discouraged by feeling like your actions aren’t big enough to be successful?

What successes have I had lately?

What successes can I have today or tomorrow?

How can it encourage me to know that God is pleased with my efforts?

Let’s pray.  “Father, thank you for the good you’ve enabled me to do.  Help me to EMBRACE the successes I can have, and have GRACE on myself when I’m not there yet.  I do want to love you with all my heart, and give you more and more.  Help me to BELIEVE in my PLACE, that my faith, love, prayers, repentance and perseverance make a difference. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

(Photo credit: StartupStockPhotos from Pixabay. Not my grandkids!)

The Power of the Cross

What really strikes me, as I’m three weeks into this devotional series on “31 Days to Loving Yourself,” is that there’s no easy fix or instant transformation.  I’ve grown in so many encouraging ways.  But every day, I still battle the fears and the inner critic. 

So today, I want to pull out the big guns.  I want to talk about the most powerful place to go with your insecurities.  You go to the cross.

 There are three aspects of the cross that will epically increase your ability to love yourself, as you meditate on them.

First, the cross means that you, personally, have incredible value.  When I really understood the story of the shepherd who went after the lost sheep, it changed my life forever.  “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost?  And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away!  In the same way, it is not my heavenly Father’s will that even one of these little ones should perish.” (Matt 18:12-14)

When I was 30, for the first time, I really studied out the specific sins I’d committed.  I took responsibility for them.  And then, when I read the story of the one lost sheep, I realized that, even if everyone in the world didn’t need a savior, Jesus still voluntarily went through all of that horrible suffering for me. For my sins. I saw how he went after me, like he did that sheep.  I saw how much I meant to him. I saw my value. 

I’m telling you emphatically, you have the same value. (If you haven’t studied this out, I’d be glad to do that with you.)

Second, the cross means that you can have forgiveness.  Guilt is a heavy weight. Regret is like a disease that infects us more as we get older. Even though I know intellectually that I’m forgiven, I catch myself asking God during the day, “Forgive me,” which really means that it’s hard for me to forgive myself.

We need verses like Colossians 2:13-14: “You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins.  He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross.” And Hebrews 10:14, “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” And Romans 8:1, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,”

Third, the cross means that you have a purpose.  You know, you just feel great about yourself when you have a purpose.  There were times in my life when I was attending church regularly, but still felt empty inside.  I’d go to bed at night and wonder, “What was it all for?”  When I truly took on the mission of Christ, I was filled with such joy, and life was so much more meaningful. 

The cross is at the heart of our mission.  Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34)  The way Jesus loved others was to lay down his life for them.  As his disciples, we are to be like him. Thus, our purpose is to live out the cross to others. That’s what the Great Commission is all about.  (Matt. 28:18-20)

Friends, let’s soak ourselves in these truths.  When it comes to self-love, we may not be there yet.  We may still fight our demons.  But the Bible promises us that if we pray, we can increasingly understand the love that’s exemplified by the cross.  And this will make a difference in how we look at ourselves.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, . . “ (Eph 3:17-20

Let’s pray now.  “Father, help me to understand and EMBRACE my value.  My heart overflows with gratitude that Jesus died for me. Help me to have GRACE on myself, and know that I’m forgiven, and let go of the guilt.  Help me to BELIEVE in my PLACE, and may it be my great joy to be Christ for others.  In Jesus’s name, amen.”