Yesterday morning, I got up as I usually do, with a feeling of apprehension. It was like there was like the word “SHOULD” stamped across the day that was to come.
And then I looked at Facebook. A Facebook friend posted that her son, who is about 8 or 9, gets up every day and says, “Today is the best day ever!”
“Why is it the best day ever?” she asks him. He answers by naming all of the things he is going to do that day, or that are going to happen.
This really convicted me. Because I so rarely have that attitude. Instead I have a heaviness.
So as I thought of this, I had my quiet time. I was studying the chapter in my “Spiritual Discovery” book about motives and desires. It asked, “Why do you do the things you do?” I had to think about that for a bit. I brainstormed and wrote down three top motivations: to be productive, to not fail, and to be in control. Basically, I want to be secure. I want to build this safe strong life where I am not vulnerable.
And then it seemed like the Spirit moved me to read about Jesus, and I read Luke 4 with the question in my heart: What was Jesus tempted to desire?
The devil said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell this stone to become bread.” Luke 4:3
Jesus was tempted to try and take care of his own needs, instead of trusting God to meet his needs.
“The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. And he said to him, “I will give you all their authority and splendor; it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. If you worship me, it will all be yours.” Luke 4:5
Jesus was tempted to fill his needs with the wrong things.
The devil led him to Jerusalem and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down from here. For it is written: ‘He will command his angels concerning you to guard you carefully; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.’ Luke 4:9-11
Jesus was tempted to make something happen so he could be assured of his value to God.
These things really hit home with me. In a nutshell, Jesus was tempted to satisfy his desires and needs himself, instead of trusting God to meet his needs. That is what I’ve been struggling with. I’ve been trying to satisfy my desire to be safe by spinning my wheels all day with productivity and trying to doing what I “should” do, instead of going to God to meet that need.
Seeing that was a breakthrough! So yesterday, when I started feeling insecure and scared, I went to God and asked him to help me. The hardest time was the afternoon. As the day got later, I began to feel a slump in energy and motivation. Usually this would be a real downer for me because I wouldn’t feel like I could perform the way I needed to. If I was going to be with people, it would be hard to be giving. I would just feel blah. I would have to just keep pushing through somehow.
But this time I prayed, over and over, that God would give me some strength and joy in my heart. As I was cleaning to get ready for House Church to be at my house, I started to sing spiritual songs. The next thing I knew, I was feeling energized and excited as I sang. Ken got home, and I was upbeat and positive. People streamed in the door for house church, and I joked with them and enjoyed talking with them. It was great. I was thankful.
At the end of House Church, Mike closed out the lesson by saying something that was so God. He said that as we study our Bibles and mature, each day can be the best day, because we see new things about God and this helps us to grow.
I started my day with hearing about each day being the best day, and I ended my day in the same way!
And it was the best day. I learned something new about God. I grew.
It wasn’t without struggles. It didn’t go perfectly. But I was able to go to God when I was lacking, instead of pumping myself up with thoughts that I SHOULD be able to handle the lack.
And God came through. I had some great interactions with friends. Good things happened.
But I don’t want it to be about what happened. Because even though God is giving to me over and over again, and I am soooooo thankful, I don’t want my happiness to depend on that.
I want each day to be the best day because I connect with God as the source. Because I drink the living water. Because I am wonderfully filled by just being near to God.
Because HE meets my needs in a way I cannot.
But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds. Ps 73:28
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19