Thirsty

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again.”  John 4:13

Yesterday, I got in a terrible funk.  A couple of things happened that filled my heart with sadness, and once I was in the emotional swamp, it just got worse and worse.  I began to feel like everything was failing, or was going to fail.  I couldn’t get on top of it.

My natural instinct was to try to control the world around me more.  So I tried to think of things I could change, so I could get some positive momentum going.  But nothing was working.  Everything felt overwhelming.  Ugh!

I was drinking the wrong water.  The water of being in control.

I just finished reading the story of the Israelites and the golden calf.  Moses stayed up on the mountain for so long, they weren’t sure that he was going to come back.  So they said to Aaron, “Come, make us gods who will go before us.”  And Aaron created an idol and they all had a festival and worshipped this idol. (Exodus 32)

This all seems pretty reprehensible, and even ludicrous.  After all God had done, how could they just worship something that was so obviously man made?

But then I remember how I was thinking yesterday.  “I’ll feel better , if I can just tweak my schedule.  If I can just do this right.  If I can just keep all the balls in the air.” I most certainly was trying to fashion an idol, something that I could create that would meet my needs.

So today, I cry out, “God, meet my needs for connection.  Meet my needs to have quality time with family.  Meet my needs to be productive.  Meet my need to do something worthwhile with my time, and not just spin my wheels.  Meet my need for self worth.”

I am so thirsty.  And I’ve been drinking from the wrong place.

Today, let me stay a in kneeling position at the pool of water that satisfies.  Let me admit my deep needs, and not try to meet them myself.

As I write this, I’m looking outside at my sprinkler, which is scattering drops of water that sparkle in the sun onto my new grass.  The birds are flitting in to pick morsels from my bird feeder.  My heart is happy watching this.

Surely, God’s heart delights in taking care of me in the same way.

watering

“Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Why spend money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and you will delight in the richest of fare.” Isa 55:1-2

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.  Phil 4:19

 

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Filed under John, Red Letter, Strength in God, Surrender

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