From the Fuzziness of the Flu

So I have had the flu since last Friday.  A present from my grandkids.

I have been having a lot of spiritual thoughts swirling in my head, as I drift about between fever spikes, sleeping and lucid moments.

Here are a few of them.

“People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  I Sam 16:7

As I try to repent during our month of repentance at church, and have my heart be more what it should be, it came to me that David is a great character to study out.  He was the man who was chosen for his heart.

And what a heart he had!  One thing that stands out is how bold and faith filled he was.  The best known example is when he stood up to Goliath.

But he was also completely devoted to God.  He wrote love letters to God:  Psalms.  It occurred to me that David was a man who had spent much time in the field, and thus he had much time to develop a relationship with God.

Maybe being sick, or even having times where I have to slow down, isn’t such a bad thing.  It gives me time to focus on my relationship with God.

David’s heart, his relationship with God, SHINES through the Psalms.  He declares things like,

  • But I trust in your unfailing love. . . ”
  • “No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame.” 
  • “He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his ways. 
  • “The Lord is my Rock, my Fortress and My Deliverer.”

David was so confident in God, so confident in God’s goodness.  I want to have that kind of heart.

David was even confident in his own righteousness.  I don’t want to be prideful, but I think there is something to be learned from this.  After all, we are to take up the breastplate of righteousness to fight the powers of evil.  I can be more confident of my own righteousness.

So what I’ve started doing is listening to the Psalms more.  I have the Bible app, and I put it on audio as I do various things around the house.  It is awesome!  It reminds me of so much my heart can be.

“Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness.”  Romans 4:3

If I change nothing else, I want to BELIEVE MORE.

Sunday morning I got up,  feeling better, but not sure if I was well enough to go to church.   I struggled with thinking whether I should try to push through, wondering if I was still contagious.   But then I saw with eyes of faith, and it was like a beam of light in the room.   I needed to stay home and take care of myself, keep my germs to myself, and it would be okay!  I WOULD believe that God is good and He is in control.

I am continuing to hold righteous BELIEF before me, like a torch, as I navigate my days.

Now the people complained about their hardships in the hearing of the LORD, and when he heard them his anger was aroused.  Number 11:1

I’ve mentioned this before in my blog, but I am convicted again.  I need to read Numbers often.

I complain too much, when God is working so hard on my behalf.

God was taking care of the Israelites, and instead of thanking him, they complained about the quality of what He gave them.  I do the same thing.

As I read in “One Thousand Gifts, “Always ingratitude makes the poison course.”

My ungratefulness is like a tainted well from which springs my sins and bad attitudes.

Voscamp goes on to write, “How we LOOK determines how we live . . . if we live.” (caps mine)

I have to look at life differently.  Being sick has helped with this.  Being cut off, being incapable of accomplishing much, I am so grateful for the little things I could take for granted — just for an encouraging word, just for my friends, just for a few verses I read, just for something I can get done, just for feeling better.

Being grateful helps me SEE God more.

I pray, from the bottom of my heart, that God has more mercy on me than He had on the Hebrews, for my pervasive ingratitude, and that He allows me another chance.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Acts 2:42

While I’ve been sick I read a little more of “Golden Rule Leadership” by Gordon Ferguson.  I love that he points out that all the other good things mentioned in this passage of Acts — giving to those who had need, enjoying the favor of all the people, the Lord adding to their number — came from their devotion to these four things mentioned above.  It didn’t come from their devotion to the Great Commission.

It is so refreshing to think that getting my heart right means keeping it simple — continuing steadfastly in being in the Word, praying, loving my sisters, remembering the cross.  All of this is more than enough to focus on.  And it is refreshing to think that if I do these things, the rest will follow.

This time of being sick given me a clean slate, a new perspective.

It’s like the new app, ColorNote, I put on my new Kindle.  (A valentine’s present from my hubby!)  I downloaded it and created several color coded lists that I can play with and move around like tiles.  A whole new way of getting organized, a fresh start!

That’s what I feel like after repenting, after spending days in bed resting.

My old life feels like I’ve been pressuring myself towards goal, like squeezing Play Dough through a mold.  I pray I can break old patterns and trust God’s rhythm for my life more.

Because sometimes I think God’s goal for me is more to stumble across treasure, than to push to do these great things.

The mind of man plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps.  Prov. 16:9

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Filed under Diary, Faith, Gratitude, Having the Right Heart

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