The last week has been so strange. I was already having health challenges, and experiencing side effects from a new medication, Then I had the car accident and was recovering from that, with physical discomfort and yet more side effects from medications. The last couple of days I have been preparing for an endoscopy, so I fasted and went through the lovely process of flushing myself out.
I’ve felt emotional about the accident. I’ve felt tired and it took all I had to push through. I’ve felt extremely nervous about the endoscopy. I’ve been out of my usual routine. I haven’t had a car. My chemistry is off. At some points I’ve felt as low as I can remember feeling for awhile.
“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.” Ps 23:1-3
A few days ago I went back to basics, and it was wonderful to read over Ps 23 and meditate on it. God is my good shepherd. He is with me, guiding me, taking care of me. I found many rich truths that comforted me.
By God’s grace, I have continued to reach out to others to make friends. The cable guy came over Monday and I listened to his story. With his belt of tools slung low around his waist, he reminded me of some kind of modern cowboy coming to wrestle technology instead of cows. He told me how he met the girl of his dreams at Auburn, and she got pregnant, so they got married and made the best of it. She is working and studying to be a nurse while he works long hours as a contractor. His life is challenging, but he is doing what he can, and is grateful for his wife and child. He said he had no time to fit church into his schedule, but I wished him the best.
Yesterday as I was prepping for my endoscopy, Ken and I discovered that the nurse lives in our neighborhood. We had a good chat, and I learned about her oldest son, and how he now is a graphic artist for Auburn’s athletic department, and how she is amazed that his talent came from her, a nurse, and her husband, a policeman. I invited her to our chili cookoff or neighborhood Bible study and I think she was taken aback. She didn’t seem interested, but it was good to get to know her. Maybe we will see her when we are out for a walk.
“He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.” Ps 23:3
At first, when I thought about what i would write for this blog, I thought about how I still feel that I haven’t gotten it yet. I am missing something in getting to know people. I need to genuinely care about them more, perhaps.
But then I realized that it is always all about God, and I want Him to get the glory. It’s not about me and my efforts. I have to believe what I have been reading, that he is shepherding me, that I AM going the direction I need to go! I need to trust his guidance in the journey. He knows I am weak, and he works with that.
All of God’s paths are righteous. When He is leading, it is always in the right direction. By His grace, I will grow as I need to grow and learn what I need to learn.
In the few minutes before they put me under anesthesia, I asked myself if there was anything I wanted to make right with God. The thing I thought of is being less prideful. I need to grow in humility. If these past few days have taught me nothing else, they have taught me that. I live in utter spoiled comfort. To me, my recent challenges are just aberrations until I go back to my normal of an easy life. But for other people, these challenges are their reality. Their reality is living with poor health that requires uncomfortable medical attention. Their reality is death that is looming for them, or for loved ones.
May I be more sober. May I be more compassionate. May I be more humbled, and look to God as my shepherd. To Him be the glory!